Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Mommy Lies

I read this article on my BBC app the other day and I can't get it out of my mind.  The article is about how moms lie about all kinds of stuff in an effort to look like their idea of a perfect mom, like how they spend their time when their kids are at school, how much screen time their kids have and how they discipline.

I hate lying.

I really hate judging.

Which is why moms feel the need to lie.  What is it about the mommy competition?  Why do mom's feel the need to one-up each other.  Or to make another mom feel inferior?

I remember being a new mom and playing this game a lot.  NO MORE!  There is nothing like having a kid to make you realize how much you don't know.  I know I was a much better parent before I had kids.

So, in the spirit of honesty and smashing the competitive mommy nastiness, here are some truths about me and my less than perfect life.

1. My bedroom, the laundry room and a couple of closets throughout the house are embarrassingly junky.  Sure, you might come over and find the middle level picked up (I am trying to teach my children some kinds of responsibility) but don't open my bedroom door.  Really.

2. Sometimes I tell my kids to wait because I'm typing, reading or doing something on the computer.  I don't want them to think that they aren't important but sometimes I fail at showing it.

3. Sometimes I yell at my kids.  Even though it was my New Year's Resolution to stop yelling.  Sometimes when no one is looking except for God and the kids, I fail.

4. Now that my kids are allowed to pick out their own clothes, sometimes I'm embarrassed by how they look.  I know this is an image management problem that I need to deal with.  On those days  I still find the need to say, "Oh, we let her pick out her own clothes."  So that people will think positive things about our parenting and how we allow our children to be creative, instead of thinking that I don't know that striped brown and pink pants don't match a red and blue plaid shirt.  On Church days I don't let them pick.

5. I reward my children with food and screen time.  Even though I know it's not healthy.  It works.

Those are my five confessions of the day.  There are so many, many more.  I am NOT a perfect woman, mother, wife or friend.  I have lots of friends that aren't perfect either.  Not only is that not a shocker, it's why I love them.  I don't think I could handle being friends with a perfect person.


  1. Amen, sister. I can admit to all of the above and more. More encouragement and less judgment is a really good thing.

    Thank goodness His mercies are new every morning.

  2. Is there a perfect Mom? I always tell my grandchildren that they are as smart as the smartest woman I Mom.. Ben told me last night "but GranAnnie your mom died".. I said yes, Ben you are right but you are still as smart as she was"... My mom wasn't perfect but she was smart..
    have a tiggeriffic day..ta ta for now from Iowa.

  3. Have you read this article by Amy Chua? It's caused a lot of anger in the Asian community... you might think it's interesting (and revolting)!

  4. Thanks for the honesty! I'm right there with you in the imperfect club. I love that I have friends who I can be real with and they are real back to me. Only with honesty can we encourage each other in a VERY hard job!

  5. it's terrible how we feel the need to compare ourselves to others and justify our actions. I was writing a post earlier about sewing a cushion and all I could imagine was people bitching about me sewing instead of giving Sam 100% attention!

  6. I found you on HOCO blogs- and I've got your back sista! I do all those things, I think it's a matter of survival as a parent. I stay fair- consistent and all those good things. Excellent post!

  7. We have the same rule about getting dressed - her call six days a week, but Sunday is my day for choice!

    You, Amy, are a real mom. A great one from all accounts that I have heard. Keep on keeping on!

  8. Nice post...I am a new follower hope you visit my site...Have a wonderful day...

  9. Totally TRUE, you go girl, with coming out and telling us all that.
    This is a really cool thing and think we should all fess up.
    I think I will post some facts about me as well, right now. COme see, what I fess up, it could be pretty similar to yours, he he.

    Bella :)

  10. Haha, I think I'm going to totally post and link back, like Bella. I have some doozies.

  11. This is an amazingly honest, and REAL post. I'm guilty of, um, I think all of them! And I'm guilty of putting on the facade for friends and strangers. I need to start thinking up what my truths are!

    I'm glad I found your blog, and I'm looking forward to reading more. :)

  12. Love it. Love you :-) Totally with you on the quest for authenticity in parenting and life!!

  13. I'm guilty of all of these. 2 and 3 are the ones I would really like to change. My daughter picks for church sometimes too...which results in candy cane striped tights with a lovely pale blue dress.

  14. Super fun post - thanks for the honesty. See? Mommy doesn't lie!

  15. Hey, I found you through your guest post over on Bella's blog!
    I think I may have written this post in my mind and you completely read my mind, and then posted it on your blog. How did you do that?! LOL
    But seriously.. its like every single number on your list is me exactly! Especially 2 and 3 and 4... ok.. seeeee... ALL of them!
    Great post, and brilliant idea. SO glad to know Im not alone! :)

    New follower here!
    Feel free to check out my blog
    and my mommy blog is
    (I linked up a post from Mommy Made to Bella's Linky party)

  16. Tatiana here. Very refreshing. If I had enough time to blog about motherhood (or do anything actually!!), I would have looooots and looooots of mom fail stories to share. Why do women compete so much? I see it in female colleagues within medicine, too, not just moms. It's as though they think trampling on others will make them look taller. I was on the receiving end today (at the Y actually) of some SAHM-snarkiness, which exasperates me to no end. Laura was working the front desk. As we were leaving post-Faraby's swimming lesson, she ran up to Laura and said, "Guess where I'm going for lunch? I'm going to have pizza!!" And I said to Faraby, "Who are you going to have pizza with?" And Faraby replied with great pride, "Just Faraby and Mommy! We're having a special girl's lunch today with JUST US!" And this woman who was standing there with her 2 or 3 yr old daughter looked at me and with a (well-rehearsed) combination smile of pity for poor Faraby, disdain for me, and mild amusement said to her toddler overly loudly, "Oh, WE have that kind of lunch EVERY day, don't we?" I was proud of myself for saying absolutely nothing at all. My great-grandma would be happy to know I managed to take the age-old advice to heart. Because I had zippo nice to say to her.


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