Our ADHD Journey

This is a VERY long post that I've been working on for months. We've come to a place in our lives where I feel comfortable sharing our journey. I welcome your comments and questions. My only request is, if you have something negative to say please don't say it anonymously, those will be deleted. I will respond to all the rest.

As you know, my son is quite a handful. Since birth he has amazed me, confounded me, inspired me, frustrated me, delighted me and challenged me. We are very different and I am still learning him. I started this log as a personal reference but thought you might be interested in how everything turned out.

m-minus six months (Late May)
I asked Christopher's doctor for a referral to a child psychologist. Nothing is working to correct or modify his behavior. I need to figure out if this is him or me.

m-minus four months (Late July)
All the calls to child psychologists have been fruitless. They are either talk therapists (and let's face it, if talking was going to work, it would have by now) or not taking new clients. Camp is taking up all of my time, I will work on this more at the end of the summer.

Being with Christopher all through the day has given me a chance to see him interact in a group of his peers. I am fully convinced that there is something else going on. He is different. When I see him, and he doesn't know I'm watching, he is rarely doing what the rest of the group is doing. Everyone is sitting in a circle, he is rolling down the hall; everyone is standing in line, he is hanging on the door; everyone is facing forward singing a song, he is running around the back of the room. I am fully convinced that this is not my imagination and I feel awful for him.

m-minus three months (Early September)
School has started and nothing has changed with Christopher's behavior. He is having a very difficult time focusing, staying on task and listening to instructions. After reading a LOT of information, I am finally convinced he has ADHD. This was not an easy thing for me but here we are.

m-minus six weeks
Had an IEP meeting with Christopher's teacher, the school psychologist, the head of special ed and two vice principals. They were very encouraging and said lots of positive things about Christopher. The school psychologist said, "I am confident we can give Christopher's doctor whatever documentation she needs for an attention deficit diagnosis." They found him ineligible for an IEP because, although his issues are hindering his progress at school, he is still performing above grade level and, "The IEP program isn't designed to help students reach their full potential, it is intended to bring low performing students up to grade level." Matthew and I both agree with this decision and move forward with a 504 Plan.

m-minus four weeks
Christopher begins meeting with the school psychologist on a weekly basis. They are working through a book called Hunter And His Amazing Remote Control. I'm not sure if it's working yet, but I like the content. Christopher's teacher is out sick and hasn't been able to fill out the paperwork we need for his doctor. I've thrown my hands up at his behavior. At this point I don't even care about reflection forms coming home from school. If they want to see a difference, get that paperwork filled out so we can take him to his doctor.

Meeting With Christopher's Doctor
Finally got the paperwork from the teacher. The meeting with the doctor went really well. Since he is already working through some behavior modification sessions with the school psychologist and we have attempted to modify his diet to improve his behavior, we all decide that meds are the way to go. She starts him on 5mg of Ritalin/day and we go home.

Meds - Day 1
One thing we tried in the past to improve Christopher's impulse control was omega-3 supplements. Christopher hates them. This morning I gave him his meds and just said, "We asked the doctor if there was anything else you could take to help you think clearly. You know, instead of those fish oil pills. She gave me this. Want to try it?" He took one look at the tiny pill in my hand and popped it in his mouth. We didn't make a bigger deal of it than that. He went to school, had a good day, came home and went to bed.

Meds - Day 2
About the same as yesterday. By the time he gets home from school, the meds have worn off. I'm looking forward to tomorrow because it's Saturday and I'll be able to interact with him all day and monitor his behavior. He hasn't reported any negative side effects and seems to be eating normally (upset stomach is possible on Ritalin). He also hasn't reported feeling any different and is irritated that I keep asking. Ha!

Meds - Day 3
I'd like to call this The Miracle Day. It is the day I truly believed. It is the day I fully repented from ever judging any parent for medicating an ADHD kid (and I'd already come a long way). Christopher and Hannah spent two hours coloring on Saturday morning. My son that has hated coloring from the beginning. Remember this? He hates to color.

I went back and found some school work from last week, just for a reference point.

And this is what he brought me that first Saturday morning.

Meds - Day 6
Parent Teacher Conferences today. We tell Christopher's teacher that he's been on Ritalin since last Thursday and she says she's seen a difference in his behavior already. We ask her to pay attention to when it seems to be wearing off so we can decide if we should keep him on the 5mg dosage or switch to a time-release.

Thanksgiving Break
We truly enjoyed Christopher throughout the holiday. This was the first time I can remember that I was happy to spend day after day hanging out with my kids. Things were calm and peaceful. I didn't cry at the end of any day. They didn't fight any more than regular siblings. They played together and had fun. Christopher seems happier to me, more content with life. I am truly pleased.

Meds - Day 17
Reflecting back on the last two and a half weeks, I am amazed at what a difference one little white pill has made. I was emailing with C's teacher the other day and she said, "Chris continues to have great days. He is focusing especially in large group settings, working very successfully with others, and producing good work. He seems like such a happy child."

Be still my heart.

Here are some things that have changed:
- Huge improvement in impulse control. While he is still a 7 year old boy, and still prone to babble on about poop or some other bodily function, there has been a marked decrease in his blurting out inappropriate things.
- Huge improvement in his focus. Not only is he able to sit still, undistracted, and complete a project, he is able to switch his focus from one thing to another and back again without losing his place.
- Huge improvement in listening. Most times, I only have to tell him to stop or start doing something once. I can now see the difference between him being disobedient and him being unfocused. I feel that his punishments/time outs actually reflect his "bad" behavior and not his ADHD behavior. For example, he'll go to time out for talking back to me or being mean to his sister, not for me asking him to do something seven times.

Here are some things that haven't changed:
- He is still a seven year old boy.
- It is still difficult for him to drag his attention away from something he REALLY likes. He very much wants to finish the project/coloring page/lego set/book that he's working on.

What we're working on:
- Teaching self control. I bought the book Hunter And His Amazing Remote Control and we've been reading it. I highly recommend this book for any kid that has trouble with self control, even if they don't have ADHD.
- Some of the highlights of the book are: learning to pause and think before acting, anticipating the consequences of an action and modifying behavior accordingly, thinking back to what just happened to offer an apology and figure out how to do it better next time, slowing down to enjoy a really fun activity.
- Being obedient even when he doesn't want to. Difficult for any seven year old, but we find that Christopher is just learning things that most kids learn much earlier.

Meds - Day 70
Christopher has been having a difficult time in the afternoon at school. His teacher reports that his mornings are going well but then his behavior deteriorates. I asked the doctor to bump him up to the slow release Ritalin. He continues to have no problems with negative side effects (loss of appetite, stomach troubles) and we begin to see an improvement in afternoon behavior.

Interestingly, we put him on Ritalin right at the end of the first quarter of school so his first report card was a reflection of two months of unmedicated behavior. When his second quarter report card came we were astonished at the improvement. He improved in nearly every single area and didn't decline in any. We were especially delighted to see him improve in his behavior and effort.

Since his specials (gym, music, art, tech) are at the end of the day we were able to see that he hadn't improved much in those areas. We switched to the long acting dosage right at the end of second quarter so we are hoping to see an improvement in his specials on the next report card. How lucky to have that all on paper!

Meds - about three months out
Things are going well. We continue to have typical smart-7-year-old-boy problems with Christopher but only have the severe problems every now and then in the evenings when his meds have worn off. Sleep continues to be a problem for him, as it has been for many, many years. I've researched all kinds of remedies and read all the "right" books. The thing that helps the most is a very small dose of melatonin, but I'm reluctant to give it to him on a regular basis (for all the google-able reasons you would think). There are other herbal supplements out there that we're considering. I wish this was something I could teach him or could be fixed with proper "sleep hygiene." My kid just can't turn off his body or his brain at the end of the day. I'm sure we'll figure it out. I have so much more energy to focus on that now that I'm not pulling my hair out every moment of every day.

God is good. I feel very supported by friends and family. Sure, there are some people that have said typically rude things to me about medicating my son. They are some of the same things I thought about before we went through this process. I'm glad I tried so many other things before we gave him medication. If not, would always be wondering if a diet approach or some new chart would work. Yes, it irritates me when people imply that my parenting has caused this behavior in my son, but I get over it quickly... and whenever I start to doubt our decision I pull out those coloring pictures and take a look at his report card. Then I focus on how peaceful and calm our life has become and thank God for my many, many blessings as we continue along on this journey.

UPDATE: For the record, comments that disagree with our decisions are not discouraged and I don't mind anonymous comments either. But if you have something negative to say, be brave enough to put your name on it. Otherwise, find another place to discuss.