Friday, January 04, 2013

Kids Say The Darndest Things #65

The cast of characters is located on the left side of your computer screen: Me, M (Matt), C (Christopher, age 8) and H (Hannah, age 6). E is Ella, age 7, my niece. Mostly these are for Emily and the rest of my non-facebook friends as I cheated once again and copied these from my facebook page :-)

Me: Don't forget to put your tooth under your pillow.
C: Or I could just bring it in here and you can pay me now.

Me: Time to wake up. Come on honey, time to get out of bed. It's morning! (x10)
C: (without opening his eyes) Mom, I will pay you two bucks to let me sleep for one more hour.


Me: Did you share those candies with Christopher?
H: I saved two. Even though I was feeling greedy and they were so delightful, I was very patient and waited until we got there. But he didn't want something sour so I gobbled them up.

Me: Christopher, how can I make you stay in your bed tonight?
H: You could use your super powers to put a wall around his bed with just a couple holes so he could breathe.
C: It would have to have a door with a good lock on it. Not one of those flimsy turning kinds. Otherwise I'd escape.


C: Mom, why don't you just rent a wheel chair so you can come to camp?
Me: Because it's the sitting up part that hurts.
C: So rent a stretcher.

C: But Hannah has more butter than me!
M: So.
C: Isn't it supposed to be fair?
M: No.
C: WHAT?!
M: There's no fairness in butter.


Me: Do you know why I was so frustrated with you?
C: Because you didn't get enough sleep last night?

Me: I love you Hannah.
H: I love you too mom.

H: We always know that we love each other but sometimes it's good to just say it out loud.

C: Dad, is it a dame's world?
M: Yeah kid. It's a dame's world.
Me: (raised eyebrows)
M: Some of Popeye's ideas are a bit antiquated.

H: Mom, one day I want to be on TV.
Me: Really?
H: I know one way to get on TV. Take off all your clothes and run around the Orioles field.
Me: Great. Thanks Naked Fan Guy. I appreciate your contribution to my family values.


C: Mom, grownups lie.
Me: Yeah?
C: Like, if Batman was at the dentist and he had to fill out some paperwork and he said he needed to go home and get a pen but really he got dressed and went out on patrol and sent a robot back to fill out the paperwork. That would be a lie.

H: (pointing to a picture) I can see her boobs.
Me: WHAT?! Oh, that's called cleavage.
H: Really? Well, I see it a lot on teachers.
Me: Great.


Watching The Princess Bride with the kids.
H: Mom, I know how to not-die if you get a knife stuck in you. DON'T PULL IT OUT or all your blood will come out the hole.
Me: Who told you that?
H: Rylan.

Me: ...so if someone says, "God is good, all the time" you say, "all the time, God is good."
C: You mean, we should say it like Yoda? I thought we weren't allowed to make fun of God-things.

And now my kids won't stop saying, "All the time, God is good." In their best Yoda voices.


Me: You like to do sit-ups?
C: Um, yeah. I'm practically a sit-up machine.

H: I love Uriel and he loves me.
Me: Six is a little young to be in love.
H: Yeah, Seven or eight is a better age to decide who to marry.
Me: Oy
.

H: Mooooommm, Christopher says he doesn't love me.
C: Mom. You do NOT expect me to loooooovvveee Hannah like if we were in a movie we would have hearts on our eyes.

H: Ya know, Mom, I'm a girl and Christopher is a boy. I have blond hair and he has brown hair. Sometimes I make boogers but he's making spit. We are really different.

H: Mom, do you know that sometimes songs are like prayers? It's like when you knit and you use yarn to make something else so when I sing I just knit up my songs into a prayer to God.
Me: *gulp*

C: Hannah, you look like a ninja.
H: I am a ninja.
C: You are?
H: All day every day.


H: Mom, when I grow up I'm going to tell my children that I was born in the olden days because THESE are the olden days of the future!!

M: Christopher! Where are you?!
C: In the bathroom.
M: What are you doing?
C: Oh, just doing my muscle poses in front of the mirror.


Me Before: Christopher, please clean this up.
Him After: MOM! That took five minutes. That's FIVE MINUTES of my life I will never get back.

E: I don't know what you're talking about.
C: I was just throwing it out there.
H: Chris. We are NOT allowed to throw things.
C: I was just throwing the WORDS out there


Me: Backgammon is an ancient game, it's thousands of years old.
H: Yeah, Mom played it when she was a kid!!

Knock knock
Who's there?
Smell mop
Smell mop who?
EWWWWW!!!!!


H: Mom, do you know when you take a shower and you're all clean warm and you put on your pajamas and climb in bed?
Me: Yeah?
H: It just feels like... home.

5 comments:

  1. Emily is HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPYYYYY

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Yoda God is good has to be my favorite :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. H's comment, "...when I sing I just knit up my songs into a prayer to God" was breathtaking! Thanks for sharing these, so many good ones!

    I came to your blog thanks to a Pinterest pin from the Lego birthday party, and couldn't stop reading -- I really like your blog, and I'll be back to read more!

    I see you're on Pinterest, too. Please check out my website, pin4ever.com. We offer a backup service that lets you save a copy of your pins and boards to your computer, so you won't lose them to hackers or accidents. We have a free trial offer right now. We did a giveaway promotion with one blogger, and would like to do more -- so let me know if you're interested via the "Contact Us" link on the website!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, right? She's always saying stuff like that and I look at her and say, "AREN'T YOU SIX?!"

      Delete

Thanks for your comment!

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...