C: Some people at school say that shit is a bad word.
M: It is.
C: What does it mean?
C: I think maybe we've had this conversation before.
C: I need butter and salt on my broccoli.
Me: I already put it on.
C: This tastes different. What's your secret ingredient?
C: You must have made these with hate.
C: Dad, what if you could open a portal through time and see the building blocks of the universe? Then you could move the block with Man over next to the Water block. Then people would be made of water.
M: That's not how it works.
C: I know. But wouldn't it be cool?!
H: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!!
Me: I'm ignoring you, that's different.
H: THAT'S RUDE!!
Me: Screaming in my face is rude.
H: I'M NOT SCREAMING IN YOUR FACE!! I'M NOWHERE NEAR YOUR FACE!!!
Erin: I found 4 rolls of undeveloped film.
H: What's film?
In the middle of dinner tonight Hannah shouts out...
"OOUUCH!!!! WE ARE NOT IN A DREAM! I CAN TELL BY PINCHING MYSELF!!"
My house is a laugh a minute tonight. Hannah just walked into the room and said, with perfect intonation, "S'up fellas?"
WHERE DO THEY GET THIS STUFF?!
Me: Christopher! Cut it out or I'm taking it away.
C: *pretends to throw food*
S: Chris-a-fer don't fro your donut or your mom is gonna take it away!
Me: I read my Bible and talk to God in the morning so I can start off my day on the right foot.
C: Why don't you just debrief in the afternoon?
Me: Oh, you are truly my child.
Me: I don't care if you have allergies. You may not snort at the table!
C: You mean, it's SNOT acceptable?
H: OUCH! Mom! Your legs are SHARP!
H: When was the last time you shaved?
Me: I don't know, a couple of days ago?
H: A couple of days ago?! You should shave every day, girl.
Me: But I've been wearing jeans.
H: That's no excuse.
M: Hannah, put on a different pair of pants.
M: Because we do not wear dirty clothes.
M: BECAUSE WE ARE NOT SAVAGES!
While watching an Evolution of Music video the kids pointed out that it started off in B&W and changed to color in the 1960s. I asked if they knew why and Hannah replied, with authority, "Because in the olden days everything was just in black and white."
My friend Cynthia's son Paul (7) has this to say about Christopher:
"He's more unrestrained than me, so he keeps me on the fun side. You know, you need someone to keep you on the fun side in every friendship!"
Came home to a blazing hot house and found the thermostat set to 90. When I asked him why, why, WHY?!?! Christoper said, "Oh, I don't know. I guess I was cold this morning."
**Bonus points to me because I didn't yell, "THEN PUT ON AN F*ING SWEATER!!"
Me: I'm sorry, you don't get a book tonight. You didn't get ready for bed in time.
H: (bursts into angry tears) YOU ARE NOT FOLLOWING THE GOLDEN RULE BECAUSE YOU WOULD NOT WANT SOMEONE TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS LIKE YOU JUST HURT MINE!!
Me: I'm sorry your feelings are hurt.
H: THEN JUST GIVE ME WHAT I WANT AND YOU WILL MAKE ME HAPPY!!!
Me: Goodnight Hannah. I love you.
H: (very grouchy) Goodnight. I love you too.
Eavesdropping on Hannah (6) and Paul (7).
H: Do you like Estelle?
P: Like. But if you'd asked me that question in 1st grade I would have said love
H: Do you like me?
H: Cool. But I'm not getting married until I'm at least 20... maybe 30.
S: Aunt Amy, I just want a bowl of peanut butter for breakfast.
Me: You want a spoon with that?
C: I pretty much wear these every day.
M: You wear those jeans every day?!
C: That's how I roll.
C: Mom, did you know that London (newborn) and Sayer (3) could get married and move into their own house? I mean, if their parrents say it's OK.
Me: When they grow up?
C: Well, if you're under 12 your parents have to say its OK for you to get married.
H: ...but not all of my powers have come in yet.
H: Yes. Whenever I do something awesome my necklace lights up and I get a new power... like flying and talking to animals and... well, I don't know because that's all I have so far.
Watched America's Funniest Home Videos with the kids. And now Christoper is running into doors, tripping over toys and scolding me for not recording him.
C: Mom! That could have won us $10,000!!!
H: Mom, if Adam and Eve hadn't eaten that apple there would be no such thing as guns... or pinching.
Hannah and Ella are coloring at the kitchen table when Christoper walks through.
C: Looking good girls. Keep up the good work!
E: That was unusual.
H: Very unusual.
H: I really like it when the cars outside shine their lights on my ceiling but it doesn't happen very often.
H: So... could you go out and drive around the block like 10 times so more headlights will shine in my room?
It's 9:15PM and I'm tucking Christopher back into bed for the third time...
C: I have a lot of energy tonight.
Me: Yeah... so do I.
C: Want to go play tag in the back yard?
We're driving down 29 and all of a sudden Christopher shouts, "Oh my goodness!! I did NOT know that Santa drove a car!!"
And Hannah looks, gasps and says, "There he is!! I thought he only drove a sleigh!"
So, thanks Old Guy in the silver Taurus. You totally made my kid's night.
Me: Yes, you can watch TV after you clean your room.
C: (bursts into tears) Why is my life SO HARD?! You get to do whatever you want and you never have to work. You just want me to be miserable. Why do you make me work all the time?!?! It's NOT FAIR!! (Wails louder) STOP LAUGHING AT ME!!!!!
H: Mom, I'm not sure if it really works, but tonight I'm going to wear my PJs on backward and inside out and sleep with a spoon under my pillow... just in case everyone is right and I can help it snow.
C: Do you ever feel like your toe is swollen?
H: Yeah. Do you ever feel like the cat has a secret lab under the bed?
C: Under my bed or mom's bed?
Me: What about it?
H: Um, like black holes and me floating away to a black hole and are aliens real?
Me: No one knows
H: Not even your phone? Google it. The internet knows everything.
Me: Hannah, please put your coat on.
Me: Hannah, please put your coat on.
H: Ruff! Ruff!
Me: Hannah, it is time to go to school. Please put your coat on.
H: Ruff! Ruff!
Me: HANNAH! PUT YOUR COAT ON!!
M: Hannah, put on shoes. You can't wear slippers to a birthday party.
H: But Mommy wears her slippers like real shoes all the time!
S: Aunt Amy, I need-a put some loch-un on your foot be'tuz you have ala-dater-kin on your foot.
Me: You need to put lotion on my alligator skin?
S: Yeah. They make your foot feel better.
Me: Christoper, you need to stop arguing with me.
C: It's YOUR FAULT! I wouldn't have to argue with you if you just gave me what I wanted in the first place!!
I love 1st grade phone calls.
H: Hey Ella!
E: Hey Hannah!!
H: Guess what?
H: I LOST MY TOOTH!!!
H: Talk to you later.
Listening to Hannah and Ella's giggling sleepover.
H: Oh my goodness! Did I hit you?!
E: Um, yeah!
E: Well, you hit the air and the air hit me and that's kind of the same thing.
H: Um, yeah! I'm so sorry!
H: Can we have a movie night on Friday?
H: And we can get tiny little umbrellas to put in my root beer float and we can order pizza and have popcorn and sit in your bed and watch the Polar Express?
M: That is very specific.
Hannah is reading a book about space.
H: Mom, look it's a timeline. Here's what space looked like when the universe was being created and here's what it looks like now.
Me: How did they get a picture of the universe being created?
H: Well... they probably just looked it up on the internet.